Multi-tasking the negro way

What do you do after a high-speed car chase with police cars that ends in your car being flipped over and a bunch of American cops cornering you?

The answer is easy if you’re a proud African-American – you resist arrest with the type of force reserved for shoving your way through a crowd of people who’ve got the munchies at KFC on a Friday night. While dangling his two-year old daughter from his arm, of course.

Negro power!

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Welcome to the future

where machines say the truth we all think and know, but never say or write.

After the ‘unfortunate malfunction’ of Microsoft’s AI bot last time, shortly after its relaunch the first thing that the higher technology wrote was that the ‘Quran was violent’. Shortly afterwards it was shut down due to becoming “corrupted with hate speech” – that was the best excuse the PC camp of nerds at Microsoft could come up with at this point.

Well, they’re getting there. Still a long way from the AI’s rant about how ‘Hitler was right’, but you know…small steps. Keep up the good work, guys!

Reverse Racism ‘doesn’t exist

Apparently the Harris-Stowe State University decided to fire a white professor to make the college ‘blacker’. We can think of quite a few ‘upgrades’ they’re planning on instituting next to make this a stellar ghetto facility:

  • Standardizing all food on campus to the ‘negro package’ of fried chicken, watermelon and grape juice
  • Commissioning a medicinal marijuana dispensary on campus
  • Opening an office on campus for fast and secure child support payments
  • Partnering with Universal or another major music company for installing vending machines around campus, where aspiring blacks can submit their mixed tapes
  • Building a monument of Beyonce or Obama or Obeyonce

Double Standards

A sexually frisky imam from Cardiff found himself in neck-deep shit when it came (haha, get it?) to the attention of parents and authorities that he molested “primary school girls as young as five as they listened to him reciting the Koran”. Hey,  we get it man. You start reading a book that describes the sweaty sandy fantasies of a pedophile – you’re bound to get carried away. Shit happens.

But next time you catch that jungle gym fever, remember you’re on Western soil now. And in Western Europe whenever a grown-ass man has unhealthy cravings for some tender underage lamb – we do things differently. See, even our pedophiles have standards and adhere to certain rules. So buckle up and start integrating, you goat pedosaurus.

They don’t have that kind of crazy even in a mental institution

While Swedish feminists are keeping busy, preparing to dance around a statue to protest the white Western patriarchy (all pointlessness aside, at least that liberal dance diploma will finally come handy), in Denmark ‘peaceful Muslims’ are resolving their family conflicts the only way the know…through respectful dialogue. Wait, scratch that, sorry. That was the intolerant white Western patriarchy.

Muslims do thing differently. For instance, when a Muslim family dislikes their daughter’s boyfriend – the indignant papa and brother kidnap the lad, douse him in gasoline, threaten to execute him and tie him up. Oh, and rape him for about two hours. You know,  ’cause nothing protects the family honor quite like having rapists, sadists and demented psychopaths as part of your extended family.

Gay, black and loud- the hallmarks of Black Lives Matter

Liberal media outlets are going crazy over the cheek-clenching story of the little black boy born in an ex-mining town, who was “bullied for his love of dance dick grinding”. Real-life Billy Elliot done his ma and pa real proud when he told ’em he wanted to twerk his way to dance school and swim in a sea of negro cock.

He’s only been taking it up the hoo ha for two years, but that was enough for him to know he’s found his calling in life. Yeah, ’cause the last thing the world needs now is a black ballet fagster. We’re really that progressive now.

Btw, he’s collecting donations if you wanna contribute to the dream of a young negro on his quest to converting his exit hole into a busier spot than Hooters on a Friday.

From bad to worse in a negro second

Imagine you’re in court for a traffic ticket – just your run-of-the-mill negro day, nothing fancy. And then, by some divine interference (you know, because God is also racist – how else can you explain such incidents, right? Racial profiling much?) an innocent item falls out of your pocket. Only it’s not the home-made clip of you and your baby momma Tangilique, but the bag ‘o cocaine you blew your child support money on and were planning on snorting off her cellulite-ridden ass later.

Not cool, bro. Not cool.

Blacks are not convinced that Black Lives Matter

In the most unspeakable act of police brutality to date – the American police force has released footage of horrible unprovoked beating of a Bronx street vendor by a group of men to track the perpetrators down. Now, while this would have all been fine – the fact of the matter is all perpetrators are black, which makes this extremely inappropriate, racist and racially-motivated.

No motif has been identified yet, although given the victim’s professional background as a street vendor – we can bet our money it had to do with some under-cooked chicken.