In Imaginaaaaaaition Land

TRIGGER ALERT: Fairies, queeros, taco gobblers, mentally-confused gender fluid leprechauns and all other non-existent, self-proclaimed abominations will really be butt hurt (more so than after their usual, standard and normal practices of fisting and anal play that provide a pleasant massage for one’s colon and innards).

Researchers have shockingly come to the staggering conclusion that (silence in the courtroom): “Children have a stable home environment and perform better at school if their biological father lives with them (but the same benefits do not apply when a stepfather moves in)”. Well, dust us in powdered sugar and call us a doughnut! Who could have seen this one coming? You mean to tell us that mommy dearest stuffing her panty hamster with her new love interest while little Timmy is malnourished, neglected and generally abused by the new string of lovable step daddies is NOT the picture-perfect blended family they would have us believe?! Noooooo! But why would “talented” and “reputable” stars like Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore lie? Could dysfunction be behind the obsessive Kardashian craving for throbbing black schlongs that are the sole reason for their ginormous butts and mouths?

Huh, it all adds up now…Who would have thought…

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